Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
