Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
