i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Damn victory sex feels great
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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