Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
