Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
