He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
