Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she peed on how many people?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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