I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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