I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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