Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
