Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
