do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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