why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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