if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
