I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
