How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
