just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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