Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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