you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
