I just threw up on my dentist
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am available for nakedness
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
