before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
