I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize