I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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