This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
