Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
