we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
