So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
