Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
