I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
birth control should be required to get into college
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
