Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
