Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
your thong is hanging out like whoa
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Randomize
