You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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