You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
