Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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