Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
