You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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