1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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