remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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