i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
