At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
