she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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