i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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