Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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