Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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