Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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