I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
