It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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