Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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