I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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