mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
