but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
