The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
