Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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