can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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