You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
