Me too!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
