I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
