my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
