I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
