she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
