um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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