rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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