I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
