Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
