she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
