thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
