On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
