Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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