Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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