fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
