areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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