I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
