My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
