i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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