I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
