If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
