im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
