it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
