before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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