i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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