Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
