Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
