i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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