I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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