last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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