even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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