Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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