Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
